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Recently, I searched the internet for advice on a seemingly
straightforward question, “How Much Maternity Leave Should I Take after the
Baby?”
In general, the responses ranged from two weeks to twelve weeks,
depending on a many factors, including corporate maternity leave and the
recovery time for the mother after the baby was born.
However, buried in the comment thread was a backhanded smack at working
women: “You should consider a long-term option, i.e. quitting your job.”
Quitting my job? At best, that
wasn’t even a real answer to the question.
I wasn’t asking if I should “leave my job.” If I were pondering closing the longstanding
small business that I had built, I certainly wouldn’t be asking an online chat
board if I were making the right choice.
At its core, this response was making a judgment about the quality of
parenting between working and non-working women. And, according to Ms. “Quit-Your-Job,”
working women simply were beat in the motherhood arena by the “home team” when
it came down to being a good mother.
Hogwash.
I know plenty of working moms that are raising insightful, smart and
happy children. Their children do not
think the nanny is their “mom” or that their daycare center is their
“home.” This fear-tactic laid on working
moms is not only delusional, but makes women with a career feel downright guilty for returning to work after their
child is born.
As far as I am concerned, “guilt” is for criminal trials, and, unless
you are a criminal attorney, “guilt” should be the last thing on your mind as a
working mom. The quality of your time
with your child matters just as much, if not more, as the quantity of the time
you spend with them. I am hard-pressed
to find a child that hates their mom because she has a job.
Yet, what was easy to find were statistics on women in the labor
force. According to the Department of
Labor, 47 percent of women were in the work force in 2010. I imagine that plenty of those women were
mothers, raising perfectly happy children.
I also have to conclude that among the same population in the work force
were women serving as daycare providers, nannies and other forms of child care
givers - an industry supported in large part by working mothers.
So, in response to the idea that working women should just “quit their
job,” I would like to offer a counterview.
It was not my “lifelong dream” to get an MRS. Degree- some women
actually want to work and still
manage to raise healthy, happy children.
I grew a business before I grew a belly.
I am proud of both achievements.
Further, for many women, working is not a choice, it is a
necessity. When the “home team” snubs
their nose at working women, they are engaging in classist behavior. Many families, especially single moms, cannot
afford to stay at home. Period. If you can afford it in your family and
choose to stay at home, go for it. But,
please don’t get on a soapbox and guilt women who do not share your economic
means. It only makes you look like an
out-of-touch snob.
And finally, working women help support this economy. We pay taxes.
Those taxes help fund public schools.
They help pay the salaries of countless daycare workers and
nannies. And, our incomes also fund
other businesses as we purchase items for our children from retailers and
service providers. There is nothing
“criminal” about contributing to larger society as a mother. At best, our contribution should be applauded
rather than riddled with guilt.
Yes, some women can “quit their job” instead of take “maternity leave.”
But, “maternity leave” isn’t a swear
word. And, a little hard work never
killed anyone. As the saying goes,
diamonds form under pressure.
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