Being a mother is not a job.

by:  Pamela P.

Being a mother is not a job. Period.

You don’t have to fill out an application for employment and pass a criminal background check. You don’t list your references or go through interview processes. You most certainly don’t submit a resume for the position. You don’t have to report to a boss and punch in a time card. You don’t get performance reviews or bonuses. Hell, you don’t even get a pay check. No one monitors your emails or your internet usage and no one minds if your shirt has an orange juice stain smack dab on the front—all day long. 

I can appreciate how some people would like to put a price tag on the laundry, the cleaning, the cooking and chauffeuring the kids from practice to practice but to say it’s somehow similar to fighting in court to save someone’s life or fixing someone’s car or even selling cookies at a bakery is flatly stupid. And, what’s worse, some of these stay at home moms like to guilt trip moms like me who work outside of the home. That’s a low, unfair blow. 

If you have children, being a mother is a requirement. You do it 24/7. Whether you’re in front of the kid shoveling spoonfuls of oatmeal into her insatiable face at 10:00am or in front of a judge arguing a motion, you’re still her mother. The requirement to feed her is the same. The only difference is that you might be paying someone to do it because you can’t. But it’s all coming out of your bottom line. 

You can’t quit your ‘mothering’ job. Unless you give your kids up for adoption, you’re stuck.  There are no sick days or paid time off. You don’t have to complete required quarterly reports and you don’t have to answer for missing a deadline. What’s more, you can never just unplug or not answer a work-related email. Being a mother means always worrying about your kid. No matter what the distance between you--an earshot or a 40 minute commute--you’re a mother. It’s who you are. You don’t get a degree for it. You don’t go to school for it. You can’t be fired. It’s who you are. 

Being a mother just isn’t a job. 

I know plenty of “stay at home” moms. They run the gamut from staying at home because it’s cheaper than childcare to staying at home because hubby makes enough money to support the entire family and then some. Regardless of the reasons, if you ask some of these moms, they will say their jobs are to be “moms.” Every year the government puts out statistics on how much a stay at home mom’s salary would be if she got a paycheck. Last I checked, it was somewhere in excess of $110k. Bullshit. This $110k figure counts for nothing other than a nice tidbit to throw in your spouses’ face when he’s failed to take the trash out.

Recently, I was at a get-together where a friend was bouncing my tootsie roll on her lap. Said tootsie didn’t look pleased so I quickly tried to snap her back into my arms. The stay at home mom friend gave her back happily and said something to the effect of: ‘of course you can have her—you hardly see her anyway.’ She was being serious and legitimately concerned about this.

No shit, Sherlock. I don’t see her as much as you see your kids. That’s because I’m WORKING. I’m teaching my daughter that mommy has a career and a family and a beautiful daughter that is perfectly happy in the arrangement she’s in. And, I’m with my daughter as soon as I get home until I leave the next morning. She barely cries about anything and she’s bubbly and growing and just thriving. She could take her guilt trip crap and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. 

When my tootsie roll is old enough to go to school, I won’t be filling out job applications listing “stay at home” as the last job I had…Harsh reality, yes, but a reality nonetheless.